Philters review – Being sober doesn’t mean a life without cocktails!

One only need look around to see that sobriety is not just for people who are in recovery anymore. A lot of folks have chosen an alcohol-free lifestyle for a variety of reasons, including physical health, mental health, and, in a world where our President seems hell-bent on making us all broke, financial health. The list is long, and with artisan seltzers and mocktails on just about every menu, abstinence from alcohol no longer means abstinence from a social life. 

And don’t I know it? For all the reasons above, in addition to the cold, hard fact that I behave stupidly when drunk, I too have recently taken up the life of a teetotaler, and even though I really miss bourbon and breweries, I make up for it in the delight I feel using the term “teetotaler,” because saying it out loud is fun. 

Try it. 

Say teetotaler. 

See? Your life is a carnival now. 

I also love it when people say things like “does that mean you drink a lot of tea?”

No it doesn’t. But I do drink a lot of tea. 

So dining out is covered, and non-alcoholic beer has been a thing since day one, but what about those amongst us who, after a long hard day, used to love mixing up a cocktail at their home bar(cart) to take the edge off? What is there for us besides returning to our old ways? Well, I’m pleased to report that non-alcoholic spirits are now officially a thing, and the kind folks at Philters have provided me with an opportunity to try out their flagship products. I used to love pouring myself a bourbon and watching a film. Will these zero-proof “spirits” fill the void??

There are four flavors of Philters, each designed to substitute for a specific type of booze. You can probably guess what each is based on their name: Jynn, Mezkahl, Ruhm, and Wiski. Each does their best to mimic the flavor of their alcoholic counterpart, while also providing a dose of various nootropics, designed to enhance the social experience. 

It should be noted that these products are not claiming to cause a notable alteration of perception, nor are they going to help you dance better. That’s the whole point. What they are designed to do is provide non-drinkers a flavorful way to indulge in their favorite cocktails without any risk of hangover, headache, or any of the number of negative side-effects that come from overconsumption … like online shopping. 

Blanket statement: while your tastes may differ, I found that none of the Philters were to my taste when consumed straight or on the rocks. When it comes to mocktails, however, I found all four to be very worthwhile. 

Jynn:

Gin is the floweriest of the hard liquors, tasting pretty much the same way the little pine tree air fresheners smell. Gin is gross, and it also gave me the worst drunk of any booze on the planet. Gin makes you sin. 

But damn if it doesn’t taste good mixed with some juice (thanks, Snoop). 

I mixed the Jynn with orange juice and a touch of sprite and found that the floral edge of gin has been accurately recreated. Being absent of alcohol, the boozy bite has been recreated with a level of spice that doesn’t quite do the job, but also doesn’t overpower Jynn’s flavor. Mixed with the juice it proved refreshing and satisfying, and could easily stand in for its alcoholic counterpart on a sunny day. Next, I tried it in a dirty martini, where it really came to life. Dirty gin martinis were my go-to “I’m wearing a suit” drink, and I look forward to the day where I can wear a suit, have myself a Jynn martini, and not act like an idiot while my friends are trying to get married. 

Consumed while watching O’Dessa

Overall, I’d call the product a success, but wouldn’t recommend it to people who hate gin. 

Mezkahl: 

Of all the spirits in the world, tequila has the largest gap between its top and bottom shelf versions. Top of the line tequila is delicious, but anything lower than that is basically rubbing alcohol. Oddly enough, of the four Philters varieties, it’s the one with the lightest flavor profile. The cactus-y aftertaste comes through clean, but since tequila is basically defined by its boozy edge, it’s hard to recreate using just flavorings. That said, the softer mouthfeel ends up being a nice departure from expectation. Lacking the heavy spice of the other flavors, something more organic rises to the forefront. 

I was never a tequila drinker, but my favorite drink to mix with it was the classic Tequila Sunrise, which I recreated with orange juice and grenadine. While it lacked the kick of the classic cocktail, the mocktail variety was much less of a burden on my stomach, and for my money, it would make a heck of a brunch drink. I followed this with a basic mocktail of Mezkahl, seltzer, and a squeeze of fresh lime juice. Sort of a poor man’s margarita. Unfortunately this was a less successful drink. It mostly just tasted like the mixers. 

Consumed while watching Wolf Man 

Ruhm:

Rum is the sweet booze, and Ruhm is the outright sweetest of Philters’ offerings. It’s a brown spirit, designed to stand-in for the caramel-forward choice of pirates and Parrot-heads alike. Being a rum substitute, Ruhm gets a lot of mileage with its heavy spice factor, which makes it perhaps the most accurate recreation of its boozy counterpart. While none of the Philters proved to be enjoyable straight up, the Ruhm came closest. But when it comes to mocktails, this was the best of the four flavors. 

The best rum cocktail is the Mojito. It’s the choice of Sonny Crockett from Miami Vice, yet the men behind the character, Colin Farrell/Don Johnson, are fellow teetotalers, and rather than taking a speedboat down to Cuba for a cocktail, they might prefer mixing one up themselves using Ruhm. It’s what me and my cohosts at I Like to Movie Movie did while watching Mission: Impossible – Fallout, and outside of the absence of alcohol’s effects, these mojitos were indistinguishable from the real thing! I highly recommend this variety of Philters. 

Wiski:

Back in my drinking days, bourbon whiskey was my go to. I liked to drink it straight or on the rocks, and would occasionally indulge in an Old Fashioned or a Lynchburg Lemonade. Again, Philters are not suitable for drinking straight (in my humble, sober opinion), so I mixed a few Old Fashioneds for consuming while watching Redux Redux (a film I highly recommend). 

Like the Ruhm, Wiski substitutes a heavier spice profile to fill in for the burn of alcohol, giving the spirit a cinnamon-like flavor that gives way to a more watery mouthfeel than your typical whiskey. Of the Philters varieties, however, it’s the Wiski that provides a second layer of flavor on the exhale — an experience that I previously thought impossible without the inclusion of alcohol. By mixing it into a mocktail, the wateriness is masked by the mixers, allowing the surprisingly dense flavor to manifest. This made for a solid zero-proof Old Fashioned (but a less than stellar Lynchburg Lemondade, unfortunately) 

Conclusion:

All in all, I am very pleased with the Philters brand, and would recommend the product as an affordable and delicious way to enjoy a social or solo drink without imbibing any alcohol. The inclusion of nootropics is certainly a welcome and fun angle to pay lip-service to the notion that mocktails should offer an experiential edge in addition to the flavors, but the effects, if there are any, are certainly in the eye of the beholder (read up on Cognizin here). Where the products truly shine is in providing for sober cocktail enthusiasts a collection of complex flavors with which to recreate their favorite cocktails. And while all four flavors make for decent substitutes in mixing up the classics, I imagine some intrepid mixologist will use these items to invent some brand new zero-proof mocktails to rise to the current sobriety zeitgeist.

If that’s you, send me a recipe!