The opening scene of Heart Eyes is the hardest I’ve laughed in a theater in quite some time. In it, a young man takes a knee and proposes to his significant other. She wears a scarf, a sweater, and the look of a woman who kinda-sorta knows she’s about to be proposed to (cuz why else would they be at a winery?). It’s truly a perfect moment. Or, more accurately, it’s been staged in a way that will provide for photos that look like a perfect moment. “One for the ‘gram,” as they say. But what follows is a riotous breakdown in the Herculean logistics employed to create a hashtag-worthy celebration of love, which doubles as a cynical takedown of the artifice through which people commoditize their relationships for show. We’ve all met this couple before, and we’ve all attended their wedding with full knowledge that the divorce proceedings are just five years and two screaming children away. But these young lovers aren’t going to make it that far. Not even close. It is a slasher movie after all. The carnage that immediately follows is as gruesome as it is clever, setting the tone for a smartly scripted horror comedy that has secured its spot in the canon of seasonal splatterfests.
Enter our hero Ally (Olivia Holt), a recently single, romantically cynical young woman who fears she may be on the chopping block at her job. Her most recent project, an ad campaign that aims to sell cosmetics via references to pop-culture’s many tragic romances, has proven to be quite ill-timed on account of the recent appearance of the Heart Eyes Killer, a serial murderer who only targets couples. After terrorizing two other cities in previous years (including Philly — go Birds), he has now set his sights on Seattle.
To make matters worse, Ally’s company has brought in a consultant to help repair the company’s image. His name is Jay (Mason Gooding), and much to Ally’s chagrin, he’s an effortlessly charming hunk who has a pair of heart eyes for her.
Heart Eyes brilliantly sets the stage for a typical rom-com, only to subvert it at every turn with some seriously grody violence. Even their initial meet-cute features a touch of blood. As the film progresses, the satire of the opening scene is maintained, but the script dissolves the cynicism exhibited toward love and creates a high-chemistry romance between our attractive leads. As they run from the killer, they begin to discover that, like all successful couples, they work better as a team. The bloodletting, as horrific as it may be, allows our heroes to walk through the tropes of any garden variety rom-com without the romance feeling forced or, in the case of many whirlwind on-screen romances, creepy.
It’s common these days for a high-concept slasher to be dumped to a streaming service, which results in a lot of ugly, flat films finding there way into a solo viewer’s eyeballs. Heart Eyes, on the other hand, is a frequently gorgeous film that looks great on the big screen, and is best enjoyed with a crowd (our screening was pretty rambunctious, and short of the moronic duo of ignoramuses who set behind me, just so much fun to share a room with). Director Josh Ruben has clearly studied both slashers and rom-coms, and successfully apes the style of each, oftentimes using one’s visual template to serve the other’s goals. As a one-night adventure, films like this live and die by their ability to move believably from set-piece to set-piece while maximizing the cinematic potential of each location. From a crowded drive-in, to an abandoned carnival, to the interrogation room of a police station, each setting is milked for all the tension and fun that it’s worth. You’ll be surprised by the mileage Ruben gets out of a pair of long-chain handcuffs.
The whodunit aspect of the film is a lot of fun, if predictable, while the whydunit aspect is brilliantly conceived. The set-em-up-knock-em-down parade of red herrings ensures that even the most savvy viewers aren’t apt to preemptively crack the whole thing — an increasingly difficult task for writers to pull off these days. But even if you do figure it all out at early on, it won’t subtract from the fun one bit. Any slasher that isn’t rewatchable is a slasher that isn’t really that watchable to begin with, and Heart Eyes more than clears the hurdle. I will undoubtedly be double-featuring it with My Bloody Valentine during Cupid’s annual hunting season.
In a landscape filled with sequels, remakes, reboots, sequel-boots (sorry Scream, but “requel” ain’t taking off), and self-aware spin-offs, where just about every fan of the genre would machete their arm off in exchange for one more proper Friday the 13th flick, it’s all the more exciting to come across an original slasher with just as much potential for iconography (and even a franchise) as its forbears. Yes, I’m saying that the Heart Eyes mask is one of the best in ages.
Directed by Josh Ruben
Written by Phillip Murphy, Christopher Landon, Michael Kennedy
Starring Jordana Brewster, Devon Sawa, Olivia Holt, Mason Gooding, Gigi Zumbado (who is absolutely fucking hilarious).
Rated R, 90 minutes
