In the interest of getting “hard” copies of my work under one roof, I plan to spend the next few weeks posting the entire archive of my film journalism here on ScullyVision. With due respect to the many publications I’ve written for, the internet remains quite temporary, and I’d hate to see any of my work disappear for digital reasons. As such, this gargantuan project must begin! I don’t want to do it. I hate doing it. But it needs to be done. Please note that my opinions, like everyone’s, have changed a LOT since I started, so many of these reviews will only represent a snapshot in time. Objectivity has absolutely no place in film criticism, at least not how I do it.
For being the film that broke Brangelina, I guess I was hoping for a bit more. Not that Allied is terrible, but for a film to be based around a romance – which in turn resulted in a real-life romance – I feel like it shouldn’t be so tepid. The film itself fits the romance in that it’s mostly bland, which is as disappointing as it is to be expected with Robert Zemeckis at the helm. As a filmmaker who is always trying to marry technology to artistry, it’s hard to fault his considerable efforts, but short of a few strong moments, Allied never quite gets there. I guess he’s just a bit exhausted after the criminally under-appreciated The Walk. Whatever. The Back to The Future trilogy gives you a forever pass, just so long as the effort is there, which it is.
I would love to read the book that Allied is based on, only it’s not based on a book. I say this because the most interesting facets of the story are not at all cinematic, while the most cinematic parts aren’t all that interesting. Yet, as wishy-washy as I feel about it, the cold-hearted editor who I love to theoretically employ to clean up messy cinema wouldn’t even know where to begin. Every piece of sloppy exposition ends up being pertinent to the narrative, but the film could be shorter. Or maybe it should be longer. If this were beefed up to epic length, the story could breathe; the romance could flourish. Heck, Allied would make an incredible miniseries. I say this because the story is way too big for 2 hours while the plot could only fill about 45 minutes.
Brad Pitt and Marion Cotillard play Max Vattan and Marianne Beausejour, a pair of spies for the Allied Forces who, although total strangers, are made to play husband and wife during a deadly assassination mission behind enemy lines. Wouldn’t you know it? They fall in love. After a successful mission, Max and Marianne settle down in London and start a family. Marianne takes care of home life while Max works as an office jockey for the British military. Despite many admonishments that espionage romances never work out, Max and Marianne are a regular Mr. and Mrs. Smith (HA OH MY GOD IM SO FUNNY!). That is, until Max’s superiors find intelligence indicating that Marianne is an enemy spy in deep cover, and it’s up to Max to confirm/refute this allegation.
It’s a great setup, but it takes almost an hour to get there, and since the first hour is in service of a mediocre romance, it feels like a waste of time. This second half is where the more successful sequences occur, most notably a rousing house party where Max has to maintain order, make sure the baby stays asleep, and keep an eye on his maybe-spy wife as she consorts with her friends (or are they spies?!?). It’s a scene that is both heartbreaking and madcap, culminating in an exciting air strike which threatens the lives of everyone at the party. It’s in these tense moments where Zemeckis elevates the cinema to art, even if only for a short burst.
It sounds like I didn’t like this movie, but that’s not the case. As bland as it can be, it doesn’t drag, and even when coasting on autopilot, Cotillard and Pitt have enough star power to make it all work, at least on a functional level. By the end, I found myself wrapped up in it despite the film’s best efforts to keep me at a safe distance.
But seriously, if this is the romance that ended Brangelina, things must’ve been pretty dry at home for Brangy, because Brarion CoPittard is clammy at best.
No matter, celebrities aren’t real people anyway.
Allied opens in Philly theaters today.
